Blogging before all the other things, I say!
Putting things in order is a creative act. Whenever I begin to fold my clothes I know there is much deeper sorting and folding that needs to go on. My heart tackles it in layers. First clothes, then the mean things I’ve said and the things I’m most afraid and anxious about. Sorting things leads to awareness which leads to confession. If you go into it that way.
Jason’s edits of my story are all sitting in the proverbial hopper. I have other things I must put in order before I can get to them. I have said this for a month now. It’s still true.
Yesterday was hard, randomly, depression-wise. I would call it an episode. It comes in different forms, and this one was the future-panic-helplessness kind. Luckily in the afternoon I had an interesting task assigned to me that allowed the rest of the day to go by quickly, then family and friends came over for housewarming and we played cards and laughed. This morning I did not set an alarm and just decided to let my body work out what it needed to and wake up when it wanted, which was 2pm. I feel better now.
I don’t want to tell you these things because I want you to think I am strong and capable, so exercising a little vulnerability is a good practice to keep. And my friends and family read this because you love me, not because you are interested in any lies I could tell you. Humbled and thankful for that.
I’m going to go get some more hanging plants for my room, spend too much time in Goodwill, and cook grilled cheese for one of the girls in Cru. That’s a thing. But now I don’t have time to tell you. Later.