A diner where you wrestle for a plate of eggs open only on Sunday mornings called Brunch Punch

A Chrome extension that replaces all social media websites with a screen of recent pictures of you with your friends and family that says “you matter and you’re gonna be okay”

Razor scooters with handlebars about 4 inches higher 

Taking Facebook data to make email reminders two weeks in advance to write meaningful handwritten letters for friends’ birthdays, along with their current address so you don’t have to text them and ruin the illusion of a surprise letter

Glitter-specific vacuum

Inflatable Kevlar houseboat communities in the Mediterranean for refugees, guarded fiercely by old-timey pirates who had sudden changes of heart

A stroller but for little dogs who walk really slow

A Dead TV Characters reality show in which all snooty stars “too good” to renew their contract and were therefore written out in tragic, untimely, awful deaths (Kutner of House…Matthew and Sybil of Downton…etc) are trapped in a Big Brother mansion and only one victor in the end may “come back to life”

A Gmail-type “Undo” button for home hair dye

Gen Zero — because when the kids start having kids we will have run out of letters to refer to them as, so we can move on to numbers next

Ballet flats that will never smell bad

“Aggressive gendering” stickers in 500-pack bundles for having fun in the mall or while on a purity retreat

A neon sign that comes on in your house with the words “YOU’LL REGRET THIS TOMORROW” after your bedtime and will only turn off when you turn out all the lights

Skinny jeans with maternity waistbands

*ADDED LATER* A soundproof room in every office building for chronic whistlers to get it out of their system before rejoining polite society, much like a smoking patio


One Comment Add yours

  1. Bekah says:



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